Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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