I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
