Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
