The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
