Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
one might say we're banned from that church
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
