U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
