Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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