How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My penis needs a shock collar
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
