i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
