i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
