So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
