I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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