how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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