Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
