why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
