Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
