there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
