woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We left the knife in your bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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