You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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