Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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