i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
