**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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