After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
