The best revenge is premature balding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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