hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
