I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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