Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
