Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
