Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
