This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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