bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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