I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
