Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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