So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
