I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
