I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
