Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
