Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
