It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
