bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
