I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
