There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
