Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
