I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's blow job season.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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