Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hippo gnu deer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
