By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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