Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
