I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
