I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
