Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
