tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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