before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
