I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
